Sunday, June 27, 2010

Husband/Father (You will feel a pinch...) IV

Doctor came back in and asked a few questions. I hate it when doctors say, “You will feel a slight pinch.” And y’know what? I might have been able to handle a pinch. But he injects my testicles with a numbing agent and then begins to grab and twist my testicles as if he were trying to get information out of me. “I cheated on an exam in High School!!” I scream. “I said I wanted to be like my dad when I grew up but it…..wasn’t…….true!!!!” The doctor turns to Kai, why do these patients always make confessions to me? Dammit Kai I’m a doctor not a priest.” Kai just shrugged. Kai asked me if I was still melting into the mattress.

“Not anymore Kai.”

The doctor did the same thing on the other side and again, my back arched and my toes curled. “How ya doing Goose?” Doc asked.

“Great.” I said. What does he expect me to say?

Well, after tugging, pulling, snipping, and cauterizing, I was finally done. Gauze and a jockstrap later I was off the table and ready for sex. Three days later and that thought still makes me cringe. Took a couple of Vicadin, went to a friend’s house to pick something up and told her the exact same story twice in a matter of 5 minutes. I fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours and then Daisy and I headed home. There are certainly parts of the story I would have liked to have expanded on more but I think that is all for now. Gotta go put on an ice pack and cover myself with a mixing bowl in case one of the boys decided to jump off the couch and onto my scrotum.


  1. Serious tears running down my face reading this. Not sure what kind of tears, either.

  2. Okay, I am still laughing and my sides are hurting.

    But now I really, really want the tattoo story and if you could provide a picture to go with it that would be great.

  3. Thanks guys.

    Brandon, I wish to wipe your tears away with my beard.

    Kelly, I can't say no to you. Therefore I will display my pasty man thighs. I was wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy to conservative in my placement and want another one more visible.