Monday, June 14, 2010

(Father) My daughter-in-law is a drunken she-devil *Part II*

At that point we could only hope to contain her to this state. We had lost the first battle and she now had us on our heels. She is from another clan and tore him away to join them in Florida. Some say her Christian name means green field while some say golden brown. Some even say princess. Well if you mean she is the princess of hell then you are correct!!! If you mean she is a siren with green field eyes and golden brown hair then you are also in the right! She took us into her darkness without a second thought. I see your faces. I see how some of you look at me. We haven’t seen Tawna or my son for years. She lives in Florida and has no presence in this town. Really?!?

Cousin Jesse said he saw her last Christmas over at the punchbowl not speaking to anybody. Still don’t believe me? Jesse, come up here and tell them what you told me the other night.

(Jesse speaking) Well, I reckon I ain’t to good at tellin’ stories. But, the good lord wouldn’t think it very good if I didn’ tell dis one. Um……..I wuz…..uh…..I wuz’ going out fer a smoke last Christmas when heard crunchin’ behind me. I turn an see a woman in a flowin’ white dress. I was as frozen as my pappy’s shavin’ cream. She look like she floatin’ to me. I scream. I scream like a woman givens birth. She blew her hot breath on my neck. She step back and her eyes burrowed into my very soul. She knew wha’ I was thinkin. She say Beast ain’t around ‘cuz he out philosophizin’ and such. And then……

And what Jesse? And what!?!

An then I pass out. (Groan from the crowd).

Thanks Jesse. What Jesse didn’t tell you was he had a bottle of Zinfandel in his pocket. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The point is Tawna and my son disappeared 5 years ago and only appears briefly out of obligation and to steal our wine.

Grandpa! I saw you dining last Christmas with Grandma. Chicken was the main course and yet you had no Riesling on the table. Where did it go? Ginger! I heard you telling Mary Anne last Christmas about how much you were looking forward to drinking your velvety dry wine with rich citrus (lemon, grapefruit) flavors. Where did it go? We all know where it went. You think if we don’t speak of her presence she doesn’t exist. It’s not true. Her hunger for wine will never be quenched.

Wha’……..of all that is holy where is my Pinot? Did they come to visit again? I remember seeing the guest room with a messy bed this morning but not seeing them.

Friends, let this be a lesson. Tawna is an active hunter who has acute vision and shows signs of intelligence in her choice of tactics and ability to develop new ones. She also has a sister and Fire is still single. Pray for me.

Then I woke up.

1 comment:

  1. What an imagination. I just have one question, was the Tawna in question our very own Tawna Fenske, because if so rest assured. She is already married and I don't think she has eaten him yet.