Monday, June 7, 2010

(Father/Husband) Quick Hits

The boys and I hatched some sea monkeys last week. Fire thought they might like a cookie so now they are dead.

Daisy had her birthday recently so I decided to make it birthday week instead of day. I thought it was a great plan because she got more stuff. Laura thought it was lazy because I didn’t get her something on her actual birthday (for the record, I did sing her happy birthday Marilyn Monroe style). My female friends said it is up to the female to decide. Knowing I was screwed I went out and got her flowers a couple of days later. It was parallel to turning in a late paper; you get some credits but not the full amount as if you had turned it in on time.

I can’t listen to NPR anymore because, as Jack said, I can’t handle the truth. It’s true; I want to be ignorant and happy.

My gut is getting bigger while my butt is getting smaller. It’s sad when I remember I came in 3rd at a cutest butt contest in college. Out of 25 mind you!

Even though Daisy doesn’t react anymore, I enjoy using my Listerine barf routine. If I am washing my mouth and hear Daisy coming up the stairs, I will kneel by the toilet and “throw up” my mouthwash as she comes into view.

Since I am talking about my immaturity, I still enjoy a good, “That’s what she said” joke. I also like the joke where Daisy might say, for instance, “He really likes playing in his bath. He blows bubbles and drinks out of the faucet. Oh yeah, Beast and Fire like baths too.” You get it? Everyone thinks she is talking about one of the kids but she is really talking about me. That’s always good for a belly laugh with tears and a small amount of urine down one’s leg.

I came up with 60 blog subjects before I started this thing. I read them 5 minutes ago and they all seem incredibly stupid. One thing is for sure, I love writing this blog. It’s relaxing. I measure a busy, and somewhat stressful week, based on how much time I have to write on this thing.

Cheers to all of you who are reading.