(Husband) Sound of Daisy

If I turn on the TV for any reason the boys will flock toward it like vultures on a dead carcass. I am completely worn out with the Blues Clues and am almost to the point where I can recite all 16 episodes we have. I didn’t ask what they wanted to watch yesterday because looking at the cover of the Sound of Music may not be appetizing for a vulture of their kind. I simply put it in and used by behavioral observation as a social experiment. They really didn’t mind. In fact, when I went to turn it off they protested. Well, during the time we watched I heard the infamous “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” My mind went instantly to my wife Daisy. I love changing the words of songs to sing to Daisy when there is a possibility it may annoy her. And the things that are slightly irritating are the songs about her. In all honesty I don’t think I would have as much fun if she actually laughed.

Don’t be afraid to try this with a loved one. Maybe another song is more inappropriate in order to reflect your true feelings. It is a lazy way of entertaining them. I thought of editing this down to only include the negative but decided to be balanced. Here is an example:

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear
She waltzes on her way to work
And whistles on the stair
And underneath her scarf
She has curlers in her hair
I even heard her singing in her cubicle

She's always late for work
But her penitence is real
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Daisy's not an asset to her employer

I'd like to say a word in her behalf
Daisy makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Daisy?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Daisy?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Daisy?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She's a riddle! She's a child!
She's a headache! She's an angel!
She's a girl!

How do you solve a problem like Daisy?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Daisy?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Daisy?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Answer? You can’t.