Wednesday, August 25, 2010

(Man/Husband) State Fair (Part I)


A couple of days ago I saw a billboard notifying all of our citizens the time has come for the State Fair to open its doors. I called the State Fair to let her know I was planning on coming. Here is a rough version as to what was said.

SF: (ring ring) Hello?

DG: Hey! It’s me, Goose.

SF: Uh, Goose?

DG: Yeah, y’know Dr. Goose. We see each other almost every year.

SF: Well, you’ll have to excuse me. I see almost 365,000 people every year.

DG: Well sure, but no one loves you as much as me.

SF: How so?

DG: There is the ever so popular Funtastic Carnival with Monster Truck Rides and Mechanical Bull Riding. And what about hot artists such as ZZ Top, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Queensr├┐che coming to perform? These bands can’t be seen at just ‘ol casino down the road. Did you know "Queen of the Reich," is featured in the popular video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories? Don’t forget the Beef Cattle Show, Dairy Cattle Show, Sheep Show, Swine Show, Goat Show, Llama Show, and Milking Parlor Demonstrations. I always make sure I drink responsibly and to abide by all security and state police requests.

SF: You sound like a commercial.

DG: (sigh) OK listen…….I love you because you were the reason I touched Belinda Carlisle’s hand. It was you that assisted me in talking to the hottest 8th grader in the school because she was running the snow cone machine. When she asked what flavor I didn’t miss a beat, “Watermellon” I said. “Oh (giggle giggle) that’s my favorite too.” It was almost as if the State Fair’s spirit….excuse me, your spirit was flowing through my veins that night. And the rides? Oh goodness those twirly rides. When I tried to collect my change after the ride was over and that Carnival guy yelled at me saying something like, “Any change on the ground is MY change!” Well, I figured the change that fell out of my pockets that magical evening was worth every spin. And oh yes, how could I have not remembered the animals! The sheep testicles are always quite impressive. Maybe that’s why those pills sell so well on the internet. Sure the cow dung and pig p*ss were hard to ignore given the smell and splattering on my flip flops and bare legs. But that is the very essence of who you are.

SF: Go on.

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