Sunday, August 15, 2010

(Man) Truckin' I

Daisy said I need to start including pictures on my blog.  Eye candy you might say.  Well, here is a picture of what I used to drive about 11 yrs. ago.  I worked out of the Denver International Airport haulin' freight to and from Ft. Collins (where Fat Tire is brewed).

Trucking School was 4 weeks in Blythville Arkansas. FedEx contracted with a local trucking school that hired some of the best human beings to ever walk the planet. There were others, like my instructor, that could have used a few hours of people skills training in a school for a**holes. My group got him fired but we didn't need much help. We drove old beater retired FedEx trucks that still had the FedEx logo on the side. Not good for FedEx's image to have someone yelling at other vehicles and hanging his middle finger out of their truck. But that was not what ultimately got him fired. We traveled around to different states and would stop to eat. Imagine 20 FedEx trucks going down the highway playing follow the leader. Our group finished eating and our instructor came back from the bathroom to say, "Let's go. I already paid the bill." He had not paid the bill. Other FedEx members at the truck stop came looking for reimbursement.

When I say our group I'm talking about 5 guys who were in their mid twenties. We were an anomaly because the waiting list for FedEx drivers was usually quite long. Truckers who were tired of going over the road without good benefits wanted to settle down and be home every night. In Memphis it was a 5 yr waiting list which meant you slung packages for that time. Not many people were willing to do it. Our cast of characters included a Quebec Canadian, an LA guy who told us stories about his penis, a recent convert to Christianity who didn't drink but still loved to jive with the ladies and blues on Beale street, TN, and a man from the South who had two kids already. Then me. Just plain ol' me.

1) Canada felt like it was his job to tell us how arrogant Americans were throughout our time together. "That's so American" was his favorite line. I couldn't disagree with him on many points but watching movies was bad because most of the guys who saved the world from destruction were Americans. He had served in the Canadian army and had a Maple leaf tattooed to his chest. But he was our French speaking Canadian and we loved him. I remember spraining his ankle to the point where he unsure if he could drive and finish the program. He was not happy with me. He was also the first to wreck his truck when he went back to his homeland. Ran over a GEO.

2) LA was a great to listen to. We each had our separate room he knew the phone number to. "Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey" is what I listened to every morning. He told us stories about how he and his penis went out together as natural as you would tell someone you mowed your yard. He would tell us about going to a bar and asking his penis what he wanted to drink or what he was thinking about. He would then proceed to tell us what his penis said. At the end of the 4 week span we were so used to it he had to make the stories ten times ridiculous in the last week together. The last one I remember was when he got an STD.

3) Christian really saved my butt on a few occasions. Minutes after we all met LA wanted to go watch a porno. I didn't want to and wasn't sure how I would talk my way out of it. Christian worked in the same station as LA and in no uncertain terms told him that was not going to happen. I also had a friend to hang out with at the bars who was not interested in getting hammered. He was one good looking dude so he made up for it in dance partners.


  1. So why did he say he paid the bill if he hadn't? Sounds like FedEx was well rid of him.

    Interesting crew. :)

  2. Melanie,

    I really don't know. FedEx reimbursed all of our food. I know some guys found out a system of paying less but receiving a larger receipt to get reimbursed by so they could pocket the money. I'm not sure it would work in this case though.