Sunday, August 15, 2010

(Husband) Grief II

2. Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"

(Beep) Hey. My colleagues are telling me I’m a little grumpy and have been trying to cheer me up. You know how I hate when people try to cheer me up. Hey listen, I’m beginning to feel as if you may be having more fun without me and if that is one reason why you decided to go when I couldn’t. I know I’m not incredibly healthy but if given the chance I could prove you wrong on that mountain. Our Administrative Assistant said she and her husband do all kinds of things together. Here I am working working and wondering if you met some guy on the trail who you are now hiking beside for the next 4 hours. Oh sure, it feels innocent enough. He starts out complimenting your “equipment” and then it takes off from there. You dab yourself with a towel and he asks for your number. You blush/giggle and say, “Oh I really couldn’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“No really.”





When you get off the mountain I want you to put him on the phone or else I’ll be checking your phone and e-mail for any sign of voice or text messages! Do you hear me? Do you?!?

3. Bargaining – "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."

(Beep) Daisy listen. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh in the last message. I just care so much about you that I loose my mind sometimes. You know how I am sometimes? Y’know? Just a little wacky. Why don’t we go out to dinner when you get back. I’ll even treat you to some ice cream at Dairy Queen afterwards. We can always karaoke or do some line dancing. Wait, that was someone else who liked those things. Anyway, what does it really matter. We just need some time with just you and me ok? Let me make it up to you.

4. Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

(Beep) I know you aren’t coming back tonight. It finally hit me after I ate lunch today. I’m going to show up at an empty house and be all alone. Sitting in a chair feeling beat down and slightly confused over this whole situation. I don’t know, on paper it didn’t seem so bad. Theoretically it was a great idea. But I had forgotten the emptiness and pain I feel when I lay in our bed late at night and know the woman laying next to me isn’t you. This may sound contrived but.........

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