(Husband) I'm a dirty liar

I lied to Daisy. It was stupid and wrong and I was a fool for doing so. However, up until that point I hadn’t exactly lied per se. I had only kept specific information to myself. In my mind I was justified by not getting her upset which would, in turn, get me in trouble. However, when confronted directly I spun a “reasonable” explanation for the whole mess which prompted the president of the lying liars association of all things untrue, stationed in Lieville, to give me a call and welcome me into his fold.

Let me briefly explain. Daisy, the kids, and I have been without dental insurance for a while. When we finally received it last month we signed everyone up for an appointment. I went in, got the x-rays, got an inspection, and was asked if I smoked. I said I didn’t smoke and said nothing more. No more questions were asked. Let me explain something to you all.  Y’know how most people like to chew their food. Well I like to chew too. Except sometimes I like to chew tobacco. I can already hear the crowd give out a collective “EEEEEWWWWW!!!! That’s gross. It’s disgusting. Do you know how bad that is for you? Did you know chewing tobacco can cause mouth and throat cancer? Do have a brain the size of a walnut? Why on God’s green earth would you go out and pay for your own death?” My response is I trust tobacco companies to tell the truth.

So I have a feeling the dental hygienist might see some stains and figure it out anyway. But I don’t chew that often and very sporadically. At last I decided to tell I chewed and she said they had a cessation program I could be involved in. I said I would finish my can and that would be the end. Strangely, it is not terribly difficult for me to stop. I just get cravings every 6-12 months and give in once a year for a week or two. At any rate, they finish up and give me a pamphlet on how my appt went. I walk out as Daisy is walking in for her appt. “Here.” I said giving her the pamphlet. “The dentist said I have great oral hygiene.”

“Yes Goose, you said oral, stop giggling please.” I went up to make my next appt and feel a tap on my shoulder. “Why does it say to stop smoking in your pamphlet?”

“Wha…….” I look at the pamphlet. “Bastards!” I said to myself. “Well Daisy, I don’t smoke. They must have said I need to stop if I was”

“Oh.” Daisy looked at the pamphlet with a confused look on her face. I go to work and walk into my friend’s office.

“I’m screwed.” I tell her the story and we both agreed Daisy would know within the hour. “But that’s against HIPPA law.” I said. Even so, my friend said they would most likely tell her about my medical status even if they offically need a release of information from me. Daisy called three times that afternoon but my phone was off because I was seeing clients. After work I walk in the door and am greeted by the kids and a happy wife. The kids went down to bed and we sat in our bedroom taking care of paperwork.  I had dodged a bullet.