Friday, July 2, 2010

(Husband) I'm a dirty liar II

“I know something” Daisy said.  My heart dropped.

“I know you know. I’m sorry.”

“You lied to me.” I lean back on the pillows and wait for the onslaught. Daisy said not to disengage (I’m an avoider of conflict and dismiss other’s anger at me). Daisy gets louder and more upset with every sentence. We then decided to sit down and talk after dinner. I went downstairs and Daisy got on the computer. “I’m going to look up lying husbands on the computer.”

“Great” I thought. “Loading up on ammo” I’m sure there are multiple websites that have quizzes and on every scale I will land on, “9-12 pts: Leave the SOB”. She came back and we sat down on the couch.  I awaited my fate.

“Well, the sites I looked at said people will lie to their significant other because they are afraid of being caught, in trouble, left, or told to stop.” I looked up. There was truth in all of them. Daisy genuinely fears for my health and how the kids will follow in my footsteps if my behavior continues. I hate being told what to do and perceive her shaming comments as controlling.

After a while it looked as if we were coming to a compromise when I said, “Listen, how about if I buy 12 cans of chew. One for every month. And at the end of the year I will stop.” Daisy looked at me and thought I was serious. “I’m kidding”

“How am I supposed to know that? I don’t know what to believe anymore. How is lying so easy for you?” I decided to evade the question with another joke.

“Y’know, the boys eventually chewing is not so bad. It'll teach them how to be a man. I’ll put little tiny dips in their cheeks starting tomorrow.” I received the same expression from Daisy. “Oh c’mon Daisy”

Bottom line and ultimate outcome? Daisy thinks I’m funny.


  1. Two words: Dead Meat.

    I suggest, for the sanity for your marriage, that you adopt the 12 cans of chew and smile.

  2. You could really stretch this out, so you don't suffer any emotional distress from withdrawal. Go from RedMan to Skoal to Bandits to the gum?

  3. Lee Ann,

    Good idea. I need more sanity.


    I like the way you think.