Tuesday, July 27, 2010

(Man/Husband/Father) Filthy Sex

1) Picture the scene. Daisy is in the kitchen with black high heeled shoes, black fish net stockings, a black mini skirt, and a spaghetti strapped black blouse with one of the straps hanging off the shoulder. She has a, yes you guessed it, a black apron on and is leaning her back against the counter facing the stairs. I descend the stairs and look to my left to see her. Her hair is down, streaming over her cheeks, and she is licking a spoon with black melted fudge.

“What would you like for dinner?” She whispers.

“How about a hot steaming plate of you.” I say. She throws her head back and laughs. She stops suddenly only to lower her head down and stare at me with eyes that penetrate my very soul. That’s right. I said penetrate. She growls and I become excited but frightened. She throws the spoonful of hot fudge on my bare chest.

I smile. “That’s downright filthy.”

“I know.”

That is what I imagine dinner time to be. Instead, Daisy yells upstairs, “What do you want for dinner?”

“A hot steaming plate of you!” I yell back.


“I think Fire just pooped his pants.”

2) Speaking of filthy, our car was a pig sty until yesterday. Down right unsanitary. Quite honestly, the health department could have been called for the risk we were putting our boys in. I realized it was bad when I was taking the boys to the gym where they would participate in child care. I quickly grabbed an apple and an apple cutter so they could snack along the way. I cut the apple and gave them each three slices. Beast dropped his on the ground; I picked it up, rubbed off the dirt and gave it back to him.

“Can I still have it?” He asked.

“Of course” I said. Then I looked around on the floor and found a blue plastic bowl to put his pieces in so he wouldn’t drop them. I then found a pink water cup for Fire.

“I’m thirsty” Beast said. Admittedly it was very hot so I grabbed a couple of water cups up from the floor. I was about to fill them up with the hose but thought better of it. Instead of looking through the cupboards I went ahead and filled the cups up with water from the sink. I feel like I’m at confession now. In the past I have been known to let my kids drink day old water if it is still in the cup holders. I don’t want them dehydrated. They have also eaten, without my permission, some of the cheerios left on their seat from previous snacks. I have also let them pee next to the car in the parking lot if a bathroom is not nearby. I’m sorry. But don’t give me the Hail Mary’s just yet.


  1. Glad to read you're so in love! Playful is great too.

    I'm wondering how the fudge came off your chest...

  2. When I woke up from the dream I realized what I had felt on my chest was my own slobber. It came off easily with a dish towel. Thanks loveable.

  3. I've lost all interest in my own blog... yours is way better.

    Does Daisy read this? I smile when I think of that.

  4. Yes, she reads it. She rolls her eyes and says I'm weird.