Monday, May 31, 2010

(Husband) Bidding for Sex

“I think we should have sex”, I said to Daisy as we were having brunch at a bagel shop.

“No” was her reply without even looking up from her plate.

“It’s been three weeks!” I said

“It has not been three weeks.”

“Well it sure feels like it.”

As you can clearly see, I made a bid for sexual intercourse and it was immediately rejected. Men may ask for sex in a variety of different ways (funny, demanding, inquiring, or begging – maybe romantic should be included too). Whatever the case may be, sex bids have to be made.

Goose – “I think we should have sex”. What I am saying is…”I can’t resist your smoking hot body any longer. The risk of rejection is no longer an issue for me.” Aaahhh…but it is. See the response.

Daisy, “No”. What I hear is: “Your nakedness repulses me” or “You have ceased in your ability to pleasure me. I am starting to lose hope”.

My response back was exercising the art of hyperbole. It asserts an unwritten rule on how often a couple should have sex. Let’s say the assumption is once a week. If I say it has been 3 weeks, according to the unwritten rule, she is an inattentive wife and close to throwing me into the arms of another woman.

She countered with a call on my bluff. I stammered but found my feet, “It feels like it”. Translation: “Don’t’ you dare try to talk me out of my feelings Daisy!” How can you argue that? Well, I don’t mean to brag but I won the argument and she agreed to have sex with me. She scheduled me for next week on her lunch break. I pumped my fist and high-fived the guy next to me. Expressions of love are so beautiful.

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