Friday, May 28, 2010

(Husband/Father) "Special Brownies"

Daisy’s birthday is only a few days away and Beast loves birthdays. He enjoys other’s birthdays as if they are his own. So as Beast, Fire, and I were enjoying our morning oatmeal I mentioned how mommyis turning…um….a certain age. Beast suggested cake. Micah said, “cake”. I thought we may have cake mix in the cupboard so were on our way. I have a hard time planning things out so I have to take every opportunity to buy, and make, presents (Daisy received a Beta fish two days before mother’s day). Daisy was coming home in two hours which meant we had a chance. Beast saw that I had the cake mix and said it was for his birthday. He suggested we make the brownies instead. I looked in the cupboard again and lo’ and behold, brownie mix. The kid is 3! I think the reason why so many parents think their kid is the smartest child ever is because of these occasions. Anyway, the boys climbed up on chairs and away we went. The measurements are always a bit of a challenge when you have kids “helping”. Half of everything ends up on the floor so I made adjustments as I saw fit. Well, there was one adjustment that was a difficult call for me to make.

Recipe calls for two eggs. We had exactly two eggs. Beast wanted to crack one of the eggs. A split second, “Uh, well…..” on my part and it was all over. Beast’s tiny little hands squeezed and the yoke fell on the counter in one piece. Thank God! Then, imagine slow motion, the yoke began to slip down toward the edge. Keep slow motion going. “Nooooo…..” as I stretched out my hand to catch that slippery yellow/orange substance. Splat and a stifled swear word on the tippy edge of my tongue. The boys looked down at the….stuff and looked back at me. I could already see this gooey substance make its way toward the edge of the floor where nastiness likes to live. It was almost as if the egg was living out the basic rule of survival. Just like socks in a dryer, the egg tried to disappear amongst his comrades who were calling him over to them in the bunker. Listening closely I could swear they were yelling, “OVER HERE! The broom hasn’t found us in two years.” The egg took their advice.

I squatted down to look at the damage. Silence among all involved. The egg, dust mites, Beast and Micah were waiting for what we might do. It was then I noticed some of the dirt was getting cocky. They were literally jumping onto the egg as if he were already one of them. The egg looks up at me with a wink and a smirk. “Bastards!” I yelled. “You have sealed your fate!” I whipped out the plastic spatula and reached for the portable plastic cutting board. The dust screamed as they tried to jump ship. But guess what? I didn’t let them. With one scoop they were all mine. I poured them into the mixing bowl and turned on the mixer to high. “Who’s laughing now? Huh? Who’s laughing now?” Their tiny screams faded and my breathing slowed. I felt 4 eyes looking at me. I looked to see my boys slack jawed and with open mouths. “Let’s not tell mommy about this ok?” They nodded.

The boys ate the chocolate off the mixing spoons and the brownies baked. The timer sounded and brownies came out. Daisy is home in 10 minutes. I sprayed “Happy B-Day Mom” and stood back admiring my creation. Hot brownies = melted frosting. I looked in the fridge and found spread frosting in 2 different containers. “Cold frosting will melt on them there brownies” I thought. The white did fine but the chocolate did not. Car pulls up. Crap, Crap, Crap. “Mommy’s here!” I yelled. The boys jumped off their chairs and made a beeline toward the door. “Maybe the boys can stall her” I mumbled while trying to spread the stubborn frosting around. “Wait……..Birthday clump”. I took the ball and stuck it in the middle. “Hey babe” I heard behind me. I moved to show her our creation. “Birthday clump” I said proudly. “It’s wonderful!” she said as she hugged the boys. “Whew”, I thought. “Crisis obverted”.

And then it happened. “Were not going to tell you the egg fell on the floor” Beast said. “Floor” Fire said, pointing to the spot where leftover goo still sat. Daisy looked down and then looked up at me. I half whispered/half choked. No words came out. Daisy’s eyes burrowed into my soul. “happy birthday mom” I cracked.


  1. This is a great story and I am going to share this tonight at a dinner party we are attending. Doesn't that sound so posh? It's really an impromptu bbq, but since I just made my husband sit through my dramatic reading and I had him stitches, (I am sure it had less to do with my reading than it did with your story) I figure it will play well with our band of buds since they all have the exact same sense of humor that we do.

    My husband loves the names Beast and Fire. He is still laughing over that.

    And send our birthday wishes to your Daisy too!

  2. You had me at "...great story...". You are now my favorite person. Hope you and your husband had a good time tonight. I told Daisy Happy Birthday for you.