Monday, May 17, 2010

(Man) Snowplow Madness III - Final Chapter

Then I heard it. I even smelled him. I saw the yellow and orange lights blinking through the drapes. You can see the driveway through the bathroom window so I jumped out and watched. The snowplow was going down the road as he normally does. Spraying his evil every which way. And then my heart skipped a beat. He began to slow down. The closer he came to our house he slowed down. I was jumpin' around like a little schoolgirl. He was at about five miles and hour when he plowed into my barrier of snow and spun his chained tires to get through. As he continued on his way I ran out into the garage with only a towel. Nothing in front of our driveway. And then I heard him again! What the hell is going on? He must have gone around the block. He passed again but left only a small amount in front of our driveway. He had to pass again to get the rest of my snow. I made him do more work. Victory! I won! That snowplow will think twice before leaving 5 miles of snow buildup in front of my driveway! I went to bed at 12:00 am and slept soundly.

Two days ago I came home and saw the snowplow had left another present for me. I tried to drive through the snow but to no avail. I backed up, put my blinkers on, and began shoveling in my warm dress clothes. I looked over at my neighbor yelling at a Maine Department of Transportation supervisor about one of his trash cans getting ripped apart by a snowplow. I then heard him yell that there was another trash can in his yard that he didn't even recognize as one that had even been on our street.

Sigh. A lesson learned this Winter my friends. The snowplow is bigger, stronger, faster, antisocial, and always wins. Yesterday the snowplow came by as I was shoveling. I took a break to stretch my back two feet away from where he was about to drive. Pulling for sympathy y'know? He just kept on going and left me a big pile of dirty snow. Pray for me.

Friends and Family,

My friend Anne, who has a heart of gold by the way, said she felt the snowplow was perhaps misunderstood and had a rather peculiar way of showing its affection for me. Anne said, "I've decided to start the feed the snow plow foundation. Volunteers will read them books and tuck them into warm garages at night."

I felt guilty having read this and thought perhaps I was too harsh in the way I portrayed them. But check this out. I set out the garbage cans for pickup and returned the next day from our trip to Portland. And what did I see?!!? My trash can 30 yards down the street overturned in a snow bank. I went to retrieve my can and found a split down the middle. Do you know how many pounds of pressure it would take to rip open a trash can? Well I don't either but imagine it's a helluva lot. Looks like a phone call to the city of Bangor is in order eh?

- Update-

The city transferred me to Portland, ME (The Big City) and they said there is a law that protects snow plows from responsibility in damage to personal property.  Essentially, they are the gods of the road and have full reign of all things within its reach.  What is this world coming to?

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