Saturday, May 15, 2010

(Man) Snowplow Madness I

This post is what Daisy calls "Vintage" and was written on our family blog at the time.  In 2007 & 2008 Daisy, Beast, and I lived in Maine.  Fire was born there 3 months before we moved again.  Daisy and I are going back to Maine for the first time since we left and so I only found it appropriate to reach into the cellar and bring to you.  I am going to give it to you in small chunks because it is meaty and hard to digest in one sitting.  Here we go.  

The topic is one that bothers me so badly the back of my knees itch. When we moved in the owners said two things about the snow. One, we live at the end of the block so the accumulation of snow gathered from the road is conveniently dumped into our driveway by the snowplow. It is also dumped around the corner and in front of our door.  The second thing I remember them saying is that the mailman will not deliver our mail unless out front porch is shoveled well. At the time I thought the mailman had a completely understandable reason for not jumping over mounds of snow for every house that was not respectful toward his time and energy. I also thought the city of Bangor (snowplows) could not be responsible for making exceptions to the rules by dumping less snow here and more snow there based on a particular citizen's convenience . Every citizen should pitch in to make the streets of Bangor ice and snow free. And guess what? I still feel this way. I look out the window with my bathrobe on and my piping hot cup of Earl Grey tea watching the plow go by. I wave and smile and wish I could bring him some chocolate chip cookies for the trouble. I think, "Boy, those are my tax dollars hard at work. God bless you snow plow man". That's the reasonable thinking Goose.

Now let's set the stage. Daisy and I were becoming incredibly anxious as the days neared. The news was talking about it, the Bangor Daily was talking about it, my co-workers were chatting around the water cooler abut it, and real live Mainers (the kind you only see in circus tents) were talking about it. It was THE STORM OF 2007!!! "I hear it's gonna be 10 - 12 inches." "I heard their gonna close the schools." Uncle Jesse says he ain't seen a NORTHERNER in 15 years!" We held our breathe and checked the weather channel website every ten minutes. And then it happened. The flakes started coming, and coming, and coming down for two freaking days. As the Mainers say, "It was wicked awesome".

By the way, you cannot use wicked as in "that's totally wicked". A Mainer will only point and laugh at you. You need to use wicked the same way you would use the word very. My friend Drew translated for me as Bethany (grad student) spoke one day.

Bethany: Those brownies are wicked good.

Drew: Those brownies are very good.

Bethany: That shirt is wicked cool.

Drew: That shirt is very cool.

I digress. So THE STORM OF 2007 continued and I went out to shovel. Everyone was out having a good time by waving to one another and saying things like "Cold enough for ya?" and "Heard were gonna get 5 more inches 'fore it's all done" and "Wanna make some yellow snow?" People didn't think my last comment was very funny but it didn't really matter because we were all so excited about our first snowfall of the year. So I shoveled. And then I shoveled what the snowplow put into our driveway. The next morning I shoveled. And then I shoveled what the snowplow put into our driveway. We had another snowfall and I shoveled three different times to keep up with it. But I also had to shovel three more times in between because of the snowplow. I think this is becoming quite clear for you. Well, the banks became higher and I had to start throwing my pounds of snow higher over the banks which then made my flabby arms tired and back sore. I know I know, I'm supposed to lift with my legs but you try doing it when you have to get to work and have little time to shovel. Why didn't I get up earlier if I knew I had to shovel? Because I need my wicked sleep!! Darn it! My sleep is wicked important! OK, maybe I should explain more.

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