The phone rang and it was my sister. I asked her to call me back because I was breaking up another useless argument between my boys. I can't even remember what it was but I'm sure, in their minds, it was as important as creating jobs and cutting taxes.
Let's call my sister "tattooed roller derby woman" because that is who she is. She reminds me mom's b-day is tomorrow and we should do something. Y'know, being it's her 60th and everything.
Let me stop here and say something. Coordinating activities that include humans is as attractive to me as sucking on a hot cattle prod for five minutes. An example:
Where should we eat? Jenny is allergic to bread, Dave doesn't like sitting down when he eats, Nancy gags at the smell of cooking onions.
What time should we meet? Jenny doesn't get off until 5:00 pm, Dave likes to go home and take a half hour bubble bath at exactly 6:00 pm, the only time Nancy has to meet is between 2:30pm and 2:35pm.
You get the idea. However, the wonderful thing about having a guest of honor is that they get to make the choices and everyone lives with it.
Well, mom doesn't return calls, e-mails, texts, or smoke signals. I called an all out frontal attack where we not only contacted her through every means of communication but also through her boyfriend which would include (picture emphatic fist pumping) a work phone number. So here is the thing. What if the guest of honor doesn't want to be honored?
After both of us had tried for a half an hour we were starting to give up hope. Then tattooed roller derby woman said, "I still have a phone number we haven't tried. It's an old phone number but it just might work."
I called it and heard a, "Hello?".
I was shocked and stuttered, "mom?".
"Yeah. It's been a while"
I made it simple. "Can tattooed roller derby woman and I come over to your house tomorrow to wish you a happy b-day? You pick a time and we will be there."
"Well, I'm not really sure if...............excuse, excuse, excuse....."
"I'll bring Gin."
"Be here at 8:00 am. Sharp!"
Life lesson on coordination? Know your audience.