Monday, February 14, 2011

(Father) Scared

I was supervised by one of my favorite Psychologists for two years before I became licensed.  I greatly respect his opinion and asked what parenting book I might pick up.  He wrote back and pointed me toward a few choices.  This, of course, gave me the green light to pour out my heart and tell him what prompted my request of his recommendations.

Master Jedi,

Thanks for your e-mail. When people told me, "They grow up fast." I had trouble believing them at the time. Beast now has the opportunity to go into Kindergarten next year and I'm freaking out. I'm imagining him running toward school with a backpack too large for his body hanging off his shoulders. Then I fall to my knees with my face toward the sky and my arms outstretched toward the heavens. With tears running down my cheeks I scream, "Why are taking my son away from me!" Then I wake up from my night terror gasping for breath and sweat running down my face. Laura touches my shoulder asking if I'm ok.

"Is there more I can be doing?" I ask myself. "Have I done enough to prepare him for this moment? Does he know he is loved? Have I strengthened his ego as much as I possibly can so he can defend himself against children who scorn and mock him for mistakes he will inevitably make?" Then I realize I don't have as much control as I thought I did. Instead of becoming more comfortable with this fact, I redouble my efforts and make last minute gasps toward his comfortability in being held within a safe environment. The solution? Never allowing him to leave home. He will be safely contained with no outside influence that will taint his innocent mind.

Maybe I don't need the books Master. Because being a, "good enough parent" is not good enough. With every friend being of my choosing he will never need to become vulnerable, and therefore hurt, when reaching out to others.

Respectfully yours,


1 comment:

  1. Aw. I feel for you. Nothing is tougher than letting your kiddos out into the world to fend for themselves, knowing the inevitable bumps and bruises will follow.

    Of course, there IS always homeschooling. But then you miss out on the singular joy of complaining about the idiot teacher. ;)