(Husband) Girly Man

A friend of mine, who I will call Peach Schnapps, suggested I might be kind of "girly".  I didn't agree.  However, this past weekend I was at a wedding and realized I was enjoying it for more than just the open bar, socialization, and food.  I genuinely appreciated the ceremony.  Furthermore, I got a little weepy when I heard a story of a popular kid who, as one of the two captains choosing teams on the playground, chose the weakest kid first.  I went back to her and admitted she was right.  Hence, the inspiration for my post.

Those of you who know me may mistake the man in the picture as me.  But surprisingly enough it's actually Tom Brady.  He is an all pro, 3 time superbowl champion, MVP quarterback for the New England Patriots who happens to be married to an international supermodel.  He is all man.  In fact, I think this picture says it all. 

First, he has the black shirt and pants that state, "I'm a bad ass".  He is also sporting the short sleeves which show off his muscles and wind blown hair produced by cruising around in a convertible.  It is important to note it is wind blown hair produced by wind and not a blow dryer.  Blow dried wind styled hair means you are a metrosexual. 

Notice the scruffy five o'clock shadow.  Loosely translated?  "Screw the rules!  I don't have time to be a pretty boy for nobody cuz' I'm my own man."  It is obvious there is a young woman in the shot but what may be more subtle is Tom's left leg which looks very close to being out the door.  It's as if to say, "If this b*tch starts talking about her feelings than I'm outta here."  Y'see, a real man can't be tied down with that crap.

But get this.  Tom earns less than his wife and he told reporters his wife won't let him cut his hair.  There was also a quote, by his wife couple of years ago that refers to Tom as sweet and gentle.  Bob, from the bowling alley, said he would never let his third wife control him like that.

Once I realized Tom Brady and I were one and the same I decided to call him and get some advice.  He said there a few rules I need to follow in order to toughen up my image: 

1)  A man doesn't cry......................unless he is watching his favorite sports figure's retirement press conference.

2)  A man doesn't give hugs......................................unless his favorite team scores a game winning touchdown.

3)  A man doesn't say, "I love you"........................................................................................unless he is drunk.
    
4)  A man doesn't talk about his feelings.................................................................unless he says, "I'm pi**ed".

I asked him if he followed these rules and he said no.  I asked why he believes in a double standard.  After some silence he said, "I'm an NFL quarterback and you are a Psychologist.  Y'know what?  Scratch everything I told you.  Do you shave your legs?"

"I need the extra speed when I swim and bike ride."

"Shut up.  Go hunting, kill an animal, eat its liver, cover your body with its blood, and dance around the fire naked.  Then, and only then, will you break your girly curse."

"Is all that really necessary?"

"You need all the help you can get."  (click)

Well, wish me luck.  I wonder if I can kill bunny rabbits with love.