Sunday, November 7, 2010

(Husband) Dream Lovers

Ever have sex with someone you never thought you would, or even could?  Well let me tell ya.  There have been times I have woken up in the morning thinking, "How in the living hell did this happen and how am I ever going to tell Daisy?"  And then I think, "I never will.  She will think that deep down in the recesses of my mind I am a disgusting piece of dog crap who will never be allowed near her again."

The next week I would see her take a glance at me, frown, and go back watching television.  I would find her looking on the Internet for insight as to what might be wrong with me and if there is anything she can do to either stop my thinking errors or how how she could slowly ease her way out of the relationship.

Sometimes dreams are obvious in the process of analysis.  As a Psychologist I attempt to make sense of dreams my clients have, especially if it is disturbing or reoccurring.  I accept dream interpretation as a legitimate piece of the therapeutic process that could make some reasonable sense of what might be behind the curtain.  But.............hmmm.............let me give an example.

Your husband/wife asks, "Would you mind picking up some wine on the way home."

"Sure." you say.

"Hello." you say to the grocer.  "Nice evening".

"It sure is." states the elderly grocer.  Next thing you know your rolling in the hay with the man/woman who just rang up your alcohol.

How about an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend who you hate and find absolutely revolting?  Well guess what?  That evening you're doing the mattress mambo.

Your overweight boss who smells like tuna?  The horizontal hustle my friend!

Creepy clown?  Lust and thrust.

What about the bum on the subway?  Well now you're vulcanizing the whoopee stick.

Maybe in the moment you are confused or, God forbid, you actually enjoy it.  You want my advice?  Don't tell a soul.  Stuff that thought down into the closet labeled "Secret Stuff.  Keep out!"

Let me be perfectly clear.  We are not talking about doing the two person push up with Jerry Seinfeld.  That's just funny and quirky.  Maybe it's knocking boots with Brad Pitt in a chicken suit or laying the pipe down with Walt Disney.  That's weird.  But bumping and grinding with a cartoon character like Sponge Bob square pants?  Might need to keep it between close friends.

You see where I am headed with this?  Let me know if you think of anything else.


  1. I had a great sex dream once about Darth Vader, and I don't care who knows it!

  2. Actually, that does sound quite sensual.