Monday, December 26, 2011

(Husband/Father) Post Christmas

Christmas is over.  I hardly know what to say about it.  It's a crazy time of year and I don't think you can truly prepare.  Being with family is great and watching the kids open presents is awesome.  Daisy and I spent our honeymoon in Disneyland 13 yrs ago and are now going back with our two boys.  We presented them with this knowledge two days ago.  The reaction was somewhat anticlimactic.  The video we took showed confusion.  Much silence passed before Fire said, "Are you kiddin'?"

If this post seems somewhat halted in nature it's because I don't know what day, date, or time it is.  I don't really know who is in our home or if we are actually in our home at all.  I don't know the last time I drank water but am pretty sure I drank flat Pepsi an hour ago.  I would pour it out but I don't want my 98 cent liter to go to waste.  Breakfast consisted of Chocolate pebbles.  Is that with Fred Flinstone on the box.  It was the healthiest thing I have had in 3 days.  How can the most wonderful time of the year be so horrible to my body? 

I fell asleep on two different couches and a floor in 3 homes.  I think I have taken several showers but have found myself back in the same clothes.  The only way I can make sense of this phenomenon is that the clothes were the nearest to me when I dried off.  It was either laziness or faith in my former self to put some laundered items on top of the toilet for easy access.  I tried exercising by going out to the car for gifts or to put gifts back.  Going out to the car for food (sugar) and putting leftover food (sugar) back into the trunk.  I figured there were enough times to offset a cake ball the size of a raisin.  Then again, I did have to pick up a child to place him in time-out so we would have to count 3 calories for that one too.  But was it my kid?  Maybe my relatives just let it go because they felt sorry for me. 

"Well, it was actually Beast that hit Tommy but maybe Goose thought it was Timmy."

"But Timmy is outside."

"Good point.  Does Goose even know Timmy?"

"I don't think so.  Furthermore, why is Goose putting Timmy in the "Time-Out cupboard"

I really don't want to sound like a martyr.  I know Christmas is not easy on everyone.  But I am coming to the realization I am a man of routine.  Trying to force routine into a chaotic entity can be done, or tolerated, in small doses.  But the Christmas season is its own animal altogether.  Is this how Scrooge came about?  Was he once a pleasant being who finally needed a break?  What if he went to the cave up in the mountains just to get some peace and quiet and ended up staying too long? 

Speaking of too long, I love writing this post and wished I had more time to do it.  Hope you are all enjoying the joy of the holidays. 

Crap.  Fire just woke up from his nap.  He will either want a cookie, show, or toys.  Preferably all at the same time.  Because that is how Jesus would want it.

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