Monday, November 21, 2011

(Husband) My Untimely Death

When Daisy was playing competitive soccer.  Well, when is she not? Breaking a girl's jaw in City League?  C'mon Daisy!  I'm completely joking.  Anyway, she would wear the same socks the next time she played a game if they won.  It got to be a little gamey in the apartment when they were on a streak.  Just kidding on that one too.  I think.  I'm pretty sure she washed them.  But they were the same uniform so what would be the difference if they won or not if she washed them each time?  Whatever.  Personally I think baseball players are the worst.  They are all so friggin OCD.  Do you see how many times they strap and resstrap their batting gloves, adjust their caps and.....other things?  One pitcher saved his fingernail clippings in his locker.  Maybe hockey players too.  Their beards are pretty nasty deep into the playoffs.

I'm getting off track.  I'm not a superstitious person.  Maybe that is why I'm not great at sports.  Unless I'm playing against 5th graders.  And even then I wasn't exactly dominating on a court at the beach playing them.  I 'm going to go with the ol' I thought I would trip over them excuse.  I'm I off point again?  Why did I have to mention the beach?  It gives credibility to the story because I remember it well.

So I'm not superstitious.  Until six months ago when Daisy mentioned Life Insurance and nominated me as the one to sing us up.  I was glad to oblige.  We had just bought the house, the school debts were needing attention, and we have two kids.  If I died it would be a burden until Daisy found a new husband a couple of months later.  But a burden none the less. 

But then something happened.  And I'm sure you have seen this coming.  I didn't want to do it because it would mean I would then die.  I commute rural roads about 45 minutes to work on Thursdays.  Those drives began to get a little stressful.  Especially on the curves, in the dark, and when it was raining.  With a slow tractor in front of me.  With people passing.  Does it really have anything to do with an irrational fear?  Yeah.  Because I could feel death breathing down my neck reminding me of the the life insurance.  I would picture my running off the road and Daisy picking up the phone.  After the police explain what happened she would cry, gather herself, and say, "Thank God we got the life insurance figured out.  Man, that was providential."  But no.  It was BECAUSE we got the life insurance I died.  "It wasn't an accident!" I would scream down at her as they handed me the harp and halo. 

Recently I saw some good friends on several different occasions.  More than usual.  "Much more than usual" I thought.  They would invite me and it would be rude to turn them down.  What if they had a feeling that was unconscious?  I didn't make the initial contact so it was something outside of my control.  It was in death's control and he was just being nice to me.  Or mean.  Maybe he thinks I'm getting a little cocky by getting life insurance.  As if it will protect me.  I have to show him respect.  Come to think of it.  Maybe I should show Daisy a little more respect.  What if my death isn't coincidental?  What if the life insurance suggestion was a little too forceful?

I'll be honest with you.  That, "Live each day as if it was your last" is not exactly comforting.


  1. Love the poster! (But what was the leading cause of dying BEFORE 1842?)

    Your ponderings make me smile, because I've had a few like that. Not about life insurance, but about getting a book deal with a release date way off in 2013. It would suck if the world ended in 2012. And it would suck if I died in a car/tractor/dark rainy night mishap before I even completed the editorial revisions and my husband had to give back the advance. :(