Wednesday, May 25, 2011

(Father) Heel Thyself

I don't have a dog but I do have children.  Can the two be interchangeable?  I took my dog/child to the park and we played with a ball.  My dog/child was tired and hungry so we went home.  My dog/child liked his meat warmed up.  My dog/child gave me kisses and went to sleep on his bed.  The point is that some people treat their dogs like they are children and some people treat their children like they are dogs.  Treating dogs like they are children seems acceptable but the children like dogs thing isn't something most people encourage.  Of course the way some people treat their dogs in America is better than people in other parts of the world can afford to treat their children is something to consider.  In that case, treating your child like you would treat your dog could be a good thing.  I digress.

So Daisy, I, and the dogs went to the coast this past weekend.  Did I say dogs?  I meant children.  Well, they might as well have been dogs by the way I was treating them.  Let me explain.  We can't put leashes on our children although some people get away with it by putting a backpack on the kid with a rope attached.  Our kids do not want to be in a stroller and do not want to be carried from shop to shop on the boardwalk so we do it the old fashioned way.  That is if the old fashioned way is snapping my fingers, slapping the side of my hip, and shouting, "Hey guys.  Guys! I want you right over here.  Yes.  Right here next to me.  I don't want you runnin' around and getting other people's way.  Got it?"  Let's go on an imaginary journey shall we?

You can imagine what it would have been like if, after a couple of minutes, the boys would forget what they were supposed to do and I wouldn't be paying attention.  "Fire!  Hey!  Don't be smelling that other boy's butt!  Yes ma'am.  Yes, I understand your boy and Fire are just being friendly but I've asked him to stay with me.  Thank you for your understanding.  Yes, I'm sure our children would be great pals if they lived near each other.  Oh look they are at it again.  Ok guys, let's break it up."

Beast might run up to a little girl and lick her ice cream cone sending the scoop of Chunky Monkey to the ground.  The parents would be horrified and I would have to explain how I'm training him to stay with me and that I would be more than happy to pay for the damages.  I hear an old woman telling her equally old female friend that back in her day her 10 children stayed right by her side and that, "child training isn't what it used to be."  But it's not just limited to the kids

Next thing you know Daisy is off chatting some guy up about his cute Hawaiian shirt and I have shout across the gift shop store, "Daisy!  Where are you supposed to be right now?"  Then I point to my right foot and look at her like, "Well?"  A little too far when I included my wife huh?  Well, it wasn't too far off when Daisy had to tell the boys and I to stop barking at the sea lions and come back to wear she was sitting at a park bench.  With our heads hung low we meandered back to where she was.  After flicking each of our noses she decided it was time to take us home. 

In imaginary land we whined until she finally relented and took us to the sandy beach where we ran around, fetched sticks, and ran away from waves washing up on shore.  It was all fun until Fire pooped and we didn't have a plastic bag to pick up the doo.  We covered it up with sand and hoped no one would see us do it or step in it.  Going home it was nice to see the boys enjoying the wind by hanging their heads out the window and wagging the tongues.  It's too bad we have to kennel them for our upcoming trip to Europe.  Either that or leave them with the grandparents.  Of course, Beast snarls at grandpa and grandma is allergic to Fire.  I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.

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